Top Eight Things I have Learned Writing My First Novel.
Most day’s I was sure I had embarked on the most ridiculous adventure of my life, writing my novel, Little Fire. But through trial and error I did complete it and here are some of the things I learned and want to pass along. I’m sure the next blog will be about the seven things I learned about proofreading and then on to marketing and sales.
- Cut your hair as short as possible so you can’t rip out large chunks while you are on your ninth complete meltdown because you accidentally overwrote an entire chapter and can’t find the back up on OneDrive.
- Have all your blood pressure medications within reach along with your BP cuff at the ready so when it goes over 180 for the third time of the day because you can’t finish a simple paragraph to move smoothly into the next scene. That way you can watch it top out over 200 and decide if you want to call 911.
- Homophones, what the hell are homophones? Get a list of British-English homophones since I dropped out of English at North High School. There, their, they’re will add at least ten point of BP while writing and proofing.
- Back up, back up, and back up your material. Nothing worse than losing an entire chapter because your great idea for proofreading was the most asinine idea in history! You lost an entire chapter, what do you do? Again, back up into the cloud and your multiple computers including your phone. Blue tooth is great for transferring files to your phone.
- Keep five-pound weights nearby to burn off the second box of Cheez-it’s because you are lost and can’t get out of some supernatural Cheez-it groove your stuck in while writing. Cheez-it’s are the greatest friend and enemy of the writer.
- Get your significant other, kids or pet a therapist because they are not going to understand why you have turned into such a bitch lately. Plus, I’m sure my cat still can’t understand when I recite a new line to her.
- If you think your back was bad before, start writing. You will become an ace at the slouch. Yes, your posture will start to look like your dog’s tongue on a hot day. There is not a comfortable chair on this planet. Yes, some are more comfortable than others, but they all suck. If you can afford two blue tooth laptops, put one at a stand-up desk or a bar so you can stand and write at times. Then just transfer the newest file to the computer you will be at next. Or just carry over your laptop to your stand-up desk.
- Writing is the most frustrating thing I have ever experienced. You start in the wrong timeline. The sequence of scenes does not add up. You completely misunderstood how to write dialog and submitted twenty samples to agents without putting the next speaker on a new line. It is a live and learn life. Everything we do is trail and error. Did you quit when you fell off your bike, no! Did you quit relationships after your first ending in life altering heartbreak, no. Did the men quit climbing and fighting up Hamburg hill, no, no, no! Never give in, and never give up. Write and live like it was going to be your last day.
Thanks for reading,